The fear of loss

A couple of months ago, my husband and I took the kids for brunch. Nothing new. Except the all-you-can-drink Mimosas for $5. (Some control was exercised!)
It was near easter/mothers day and a couple came in with assorted elderly parents, aunts, uncles, etc. Also with their baby. the baby was probably under 2 months old and still had a bit of the newborn cry. The baby was precious, as all babies are, but was also hungry and out of sorts. So it continued a stream of noise and interruption making it hard for parents to enjoy their breakfast with family. I had finished eating, and as we were seated at the table next to them, I walked over to the mom and offered to hold the baby for a few minutes so that she could eat. She could see that I had kids, and looked pretty safe. But I could see the immediate fear in her. It was so palpable that one could taste it. Someone was trying to steal her baby. She said that no, she was fine, but certainly not in a friendly way. Then her husband, who had not heard the conversation, jumped in with scowl on face and asked me what my problem was. Fear etched all over him. I have truly never seen a couple so wrapped in fear in such a way that it was like wearing a coat. I don't know if they walked out of the door that morning arguing, what their life is like, anything about them other than their fear concerning this child. I said that there was certainly not a problem, I was simply offering to help, sorry for interrupting. And went back to my table.
One by one, all of the older folks found a way to come over and thank me for the offer. the parents ignored me and the father took the baby for a walk somewhere else in the restaurant.
I understand that I am a stranger to them. I understand that there are a million and one explanations for their refusal. but it made me think about fear.
I had the same offer given to me when my kids were small. I was in a book and card shop. I had to buy a wedding card for the next day and I knew that this was my only chance. My kids were both under two years old. In a double stroller that barely fit through the door. And my daughter was a screamer (why did I get a screamer?) And could she scream. Ear piercing, alarm bell starting, ambulance pitched screams if anything was not to her liking. Which it often was. (So happy when she started talking!) As soon as I crammed the stroller into the store, she started. Every eye turned to us. I was at an intense point of exhaustion, and thought that I might just start crying in the middle of the store. A woman came up to me and asked if she could try to calm Miss EOT down by walking her around the store. YES. I have never been so thankful in my life. It was a miracle. Miss EOT calmed down, I could purchase a card, which I had to do with a credit card as I didn't have a dime on me, and the sales girl said absolutely- that was fine. Once I left the store, Miss EOT screamed all the way home, but at that point it didn't matter.
The kindness of strangers is what saved me. And I can think of several other times too- when I got a flat alone on a highway and two heavily tatooed guys stopped and changed it for me ( the nicest guys in the world), The cabbie that took me home for much less than the fare as it was an emergency. There are many stories about people that I don't know but am thankful for.
Does the fear of loss need to trump the acceptance of kindness in our lives?
I do not judge the couple at brunch. They needed to do what was right for them. But I don't think that I ever want to let fear overwhelm me to the point that I cannot see a blessing in the guise of a stranger. And if I am the stranger, I hope that someone can/will accept my offering if given with best intentions.

The Next Big Move

Our house is on the market, and as mentioned, we are gearing up for a move. We know that our time in Chicago is nearly over. We love Chicago, but the magnetic pull of "the next big thing" is so strong that we cannot resist. We have some options, but the strongest pull is someplace warmer, still vibrant, but with better house prices and good winters. Raleigh comes to mind. The presence of several universities and technology in the area make it more diverse and more appealing than some other places. Little Miss EOT (eyes of truth) would also like riding lessons- a high probability there. Mr Sunshine just wants more tae kwon do. The man of the house could golf to his heart's content all winter. Easy.And an international airport is a plus, for visits to the family and beyond.

So now for what we want to avoid: religion, ignorance. But those are in Chicago too.
I have to assume that we will simply attract what we want when we get there. Good, open-minded neighbors (our neighbors in our current building rock). Great quality of life, simple abundance- having everything we need without being greedy. Wine, good food, great company. A house that is a home. we should be able to get that anywhere.

I am torn between apprehension for the unknown and pure excitement for the future.
After years of condo living, I could grow my own vegetables, hang clothes on a clothes line. Continue with my experiments in cheesemaking, canning. Have my husband expand his wood working workshop which is now in the unfinished basement but is a slightly sore subject for others in the building (too messy, dirty, could attract termites(?)- oh, but could you build me a fireplace surround?).

Just writing this made me realize that I am willing to put up with 50 unwanted invitations to church for that new life. We will always be able to come back to visit Chicago. But sometimes the change is worth the effort.

All that free time.

It is an odd paradox. The majority of my day is fairly busy. I work part time from home for a software company, I take care of my kids, make meals, do laundry, keep the house tidy, do the shopping, follow up with work that needs to be done to our building for the condo association, am on the school board, etc.
Between the times of intense action, are periods of extreme boredom. It is strange. If the kids are quiet, chores are caught up, I don't quite know what to do with myself. I never had this issue when I was childless and working. There was always either something to do, or a leisure activity. The quiet times now are completely different. Because I know that they are temporary. In an hour, two hours, I will be needed again in a watchman capacity. To be disciplinarian, nurse, chef (or simply cook, depending on how you look at it) maid. So my mere 2 hours does not end up being enough time to start some sort of interesting hobby or project. And let's face it, an hour or two is not enough time to completely free. What does free mean, you ask? It means going long enough that you actually miss the kids. It means going for some amount of time without being touched, called for or needed in some way.
Sure, I could take a walk, read a few pages in book, clean out my sock drawer. But what I really want to do is something that is going to be mentally beneficial for me. But there is a fine line between calm and bored stiff. Something meaningful would be nice.
Semantics, you say. Also, why am I whining about getting a couple of hours free? I am not disregarding that precious time. But rather, how can I make it better. I read another blog recently of a friend who had several days off while the kids were with her ex. And it was a time of extensive rest but also extensive frustration. She hasn't had that much time to herself for years. Now that she did, what to do?
The predicament is about finding an interest that can be started almost immediately, can be put down at any time, and revived without effort. It needs to be light, but fulfilling.
I am an adult- wouldn't I have some sort of hobby by this time? The person I was before kids is not the person I am now. I have changed in so many ways, that I feel the need to learn new skills, discover what else I am capable of.

Ah, the ongoing journey.